In My Veins
by stilinskiboner
Summary: "You really want to know why I did it? I stopped caring about anything and everything. Nothing mattered in that moment except feeling something. I don't want to be numb, not anymore." 7x21.


**A/N: Recently I finished One Tree Hill and the OTH withdrawals I'm currently suffering through are horrible. Man, season nine was crazy. Haley was heartbreaking, and the Nathan storyline really **_**really**_** got to me because over the past few seasons, he's become my absolute favorite character, no questions asked. The song **In My Veins – Andrew Belle **really reminds me of S7 Naley and now everytime I hear it, my heart kind of breaks thinking of them. Anyway, this fic is set after Haley jumps into the water in season 7. (Which, once again, another Naley scene that genuinely made me cry like a three year old). **_**The memories Haley are remembering obviously never appeared in the show.**_

Summary:

"You really want to know why I did it? I stopped caring about anything and everything. Nothing mattered in that moment except feeling _something_. I don't want to be numb, not anymore."

In My Veins

Everything was numb. Haley couldn't feel anything and couldn't be bothered to as she jumped into the pool. Images of Nathan and Jamie raced through her mind, but she wouldn't allow herself to go back up for air. The second the air would hit her skin, the numbness would swallow her whole and she knew it. She closed her eyes and thought about her family, her friends. Lucas. Brooke. Peyton. Quinn. Jamie. _Nathan._ She allowed herself to slip into a memory as the water slowly started to fill up her lungs.

_Nathan smirked up at her, those beautiful blue eyes making him extremely irresistible. She rolled her eyes and focused her attention to the book she was reading, refusing to let him bait her. Oh no, he had done this to himself. He was the one who had continuously made all those cocky remarks about being oh so talented in bed to Clay and Lucas. Haley would never admit to him just how right he was because she obviously wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. She had refused to have sex with him after that, claiming that he was an arrogant asshole for telling the guys about their sex life. He had only laughed it off, not expecting her to actually stay celibate. _

"_Oh, come on Hales," He had pleaded one night. "I was only kidding."_

_Haley had looked at him and grinned. "Oh, come on Nathan. It's only been two days."_

_Since that night, Nathan had been doing everything in his power to tempt her. He had been driving her crazy, and the cocky bastard was well-aware of it, to her dismay. Nathan may have changed since High School but he would never let go of the fact that he knew he was good in bed. He was good at sex; it was plain and simple. Haley had been trying her hardest to avoid him at all costs around the house because she knew he was going to do everything in his willpower to make her crack. He wouldn't make the first move; no, he would make sure she did._

_Haley had kept control at first, simply rolling her eyes when Nathan would come to bed clad in only his boxers and 'accidentally' rub his bare chest against her arm. Little things like that shouldn't get to her anyway, she had thought stubbornly. Within the past three nights, however, his tactics had improved, and her self-control had decreased drastically. _

_Nathan was currently smirking up at her, well aware of the reactions he was causing. He had stepped out of the shower, a white towel wrapped around his waist, his damp hair still dripping a little. Haley hadn't meant to stare, but goddamn was he attractive. Of course, he had caught her staring, though. This had been the routine for the two of them the past few nights. Haley had been suffering just as much as he was. The two had been like dogs in heat before he had gone bragging about his skills to the guys, and if she didn't get some kind of release sometime soon, she was going to explode. _

"_Man, Hales, that shower was nice. I thought about you a lot," He whispered, suddenly not even inches away from her face. He pressed his mouth to her ear before continuing. "I thought about the way you moan when I touch you in just the right places."_

_Haley bit her lip and closed her eyes, picturing the image in her head even though she tried not to. She knew she wasn't going to last much longer and his close proximity definitely wasn't helping. She quickly pushed him away before announcing that she was going to take a shower and quickly skipped into the bathroom, her heart beating fast. She leaned against the closed door, willing herself to push away the images Nathan had conjured up. The thought of him doing anything to her after days of nothing was too overwhelming for her. She started up the shower and turned the knob all the way to the right, making it as cold as possible. A cold shower was what she needed. _

_She rubbed a finger against her folds and closed her eyes. She allowed herself to get into it, a few small moans escaping her lips. It was during one of her particularly loud moans that Nathan had snuck into the shower with her and had rested his hands against her slim waist. Her eyes shot open and she jumped a foot in the air, pushing herself against the opposite side of the shower wall. Nathan chuckled and moved towards her. _

"_Busting already? Come on, Hales, keep going," He urged, pulling her body to his. He spun her around so that her back was pressed against his chest and she moaned at the friction it caused._

"_Keep going, Hales," He whispered against her neck, pressing feather-light kisses to her jawline. She moaned and he grabbed her hand, guiding her. He placed it at her entrance, his own hands running up her thigh before he pushed one of her fingers into her wet folds._

_He removed his hands as she touched herself, fascinated by the sight he was seeing. They had never done anything like this before and he got the sense that Haley was definitely enjoying it. As she hit her orgasm, Nathan held her to him, continuing to press kisses to her temple._

_She turned to face him and pushed her lips against his, running a hand through his dark hair. He greedily pushed his tongue into her mouth and she moaned. He wasn't sure if the shower was having as much of an effect on her as it was him, but he turned the knob to the left, all the same, causing the water to warm up. _

"_Much better," He murmured against her lips. It wasn't until several minutes later when Haley was all but begging him to take her that he grinned and pulled away._

"_Sorry, can't. You want to be celibate, remember?"_

_He smirked before slowly opening the shower door and walking out. He didn't bother looking at her as he made his way back into the bedroom, for he knew she was shooting daggers at him._

_He had just made it past the threshold when she came barreling in his direction, jumping into his arms. He had heard her running and had turned around, not surprised when she nearly tackled him to the floor. _

"_No," She said, kissing him. "I wanted you to stop being a cocky asshole."_

_He rolled his eyes and moved her to the bed. "Face it, Hales. You missed having sex. It was killing you, and you know it."_

"_Yeah, whatever. Now shut up and kiss me," She demanded, pushing her naked body up against his. He only chuckled._

"_You're sexy when you want it," He mumbled before grinning._

Haley felt the memory slipping away as the water continued to flow freely through her lungs and she started to realize she didn't want this; she didn't want to leave Nathan, and she didn't want to leave Jamie. It was too late for her revelation, though, for everything had started to become black. All she had seen was a shape moving towards her before she felt herself being pulled upwards.

"Breathe, baby, breathe."

_Nathan._ Haley coughed up the water before she allowed him to wrap his arms around her. She tried to feel grateful that she was back above the water, tucked safely into his arms, but she couldn't. All she could feel was the mind-draining numbness that she had tried so hard to get rid of. Nathan quickly got her out of the water and wrapped a towel around her. He pulled her into their bedroom and sat her down on the bed.

He put his head into his hands before meeting her eyes.

"What did you do, Hales?" He murmured, nearly incoherent. She could hear just how scared he had been and she wished she could feel something, anything. She just shrugged in response, unsure of how to answer his question.

He shook his head. "I almost lost you, Haley! You were seconds away from dying! Do you understand that?" He couldn't help the anger that seeped into his words. He had always been the type of man that allowed his fear and anger to get mixed up, and he knew that's what was happening now.

"I needed to feel something," She said lamely, looking away.

"I don't think you understand how scared I was, _am._ I love you more than anything and you were almost taken from me just like that. I barely got here in enough time to get you out. Baby, you can't do that to me," His voice cracked and he looked down.

Haley unsuccessfully attempted to come up with a response, but once again she had no idea what to even say. She had just wanted to feel again. Hurting Nathan and Jamie was never part of the agenda. She bit her lip and laid her head on her pillow, leaving a nearly broken Nathan still sitting up at her side.

"You're going to be okay, Hales. I love you so much," He pressed a kiss to her forehead, not waiting for a response as he left the room, closing the door lightly behind him. He leaned against it and pulled his cell phone out, dialing a number he knew by heart and hoping to God that the person on the receiving end would pick up.

…

It had been two days since Nathan had made the call and Haley refused to come out of their bedroom. He made sure to bring her food every day, and curled up next to her every night, never completely allowing himself to sleep, scared she may try to do something again. Brooke and Quinn had graciously allowed Jamie to alternate between their homes, spending the night. Nathan didn't want his son to have to see his mom this way; it was breaking Nathan apart, and he knew it would be worse on Jamie.

It was close to 4:00 in the afternoon when there was a knock at the door. Nathan moved towards the door, already aware of who would be on the other side. He opened it up and smiled sadly as his brother pulled him in a hug. Lucas patted him on the back before pulling away and entering the house, shutting the door behind him.

"How's she doing?" Lucas inquired, already knowing what the answer would be.

Nathan shrugged. "She's the same, basically. She won't leave the room and I didn't want to move her until you got here. I don't know what to do anymore," He said, his voice cracking a little at the end.

Lucas placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a sympathetic look. "How are _you_ doing, Nate?"

"I almost lost her, Luke. I was seconds away from never getting to see her ever again, never getting to hear her laugh, see her smile. I'm being strong for her sake, but I'm ripped apart," Nathan admitted, running a hand through his hair.

Lucas nodded his head and removed his hand. He took the initiative to open up the bedroom Haley was residing in, and slowly crossed the threshold. Haley didn't look, didn't acknowledge him, unable to find the energy to even bother. Nathan watched as Lucas entered the room, before turning away and taking a seat on the couch.

Haley recognized his scent before he opened his mouth and she wished she could've felt something other than the numbness. "Come to make sure I'm still well and alive?" She asked bitterly.

Lucas didn't bother responding and instead took a seat on the bed next to her. He studied her for a few seconds before placing his hand over hers. She didn't allow it to last long, though, for she quickly whipped her head off the pillow and met his eyes. She knew she should've been glad to see her best friend again, but she just didn't care. She didn't care about anything.

"Why are you here?" She questioned, devoid of emotion. He inwardly flinched but continued to study her nonetheless.

"Nate called. Haley, what happened?" He asked, unsure of what all had happened. He hadn't talked to Haley since months prior to her downward spiral and he still had no idea what had caused this.

"You don't know?" She asked, somewhat surprised. Had nobody told him?

He shook his head slowly, clearly realizing something big must've happened for Haley to have become the person sitting beside him.

"My mom died," She muttered, starting to feel the pain again. She guessed the pain was better than the numbness, even if it was ripping a brand new hole in her heart.

Lucas didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around her and she felt herself slowly return the embrace. She pushed herself to open up to the emotions. This was _Lucas_, her best friend since they were little. She couldn't push him out; she wouldn't allow herself to. She suddenly found herself looking around, searching for Nathan, an urge for him to be in the room overtaking her. Lucas must've noticed because he called for his brother and it only took seconds for him to appear in the doorway. He cautiously and hesitantly pushed the door open and stood next to the bed, unsure of what he had been called for.

Haley felt the wall she had been building up for weeks suddenly begin to come crashing down, brick by brick. She reached her hand out towards Nathan and he sat on her other side, allowing her to rest her head on his chest.

"Hales," Lucas began after giving the two a few minutes to rely on each other, "Why did you do it?"

Haley met his eyes, and lifted her head off Nathan's chest. She wiped at her eyes before giving the best explanation she could. "You really want to know why I did it? I stopped caring about anything and everything. Nothing mattered in that moment except feeling something. I don't want to be numb, not anymore."

Nathan and Lucas glanced at each other, realizing they were slowly making progress. Lucas wrapped his arm around her shoulder and she leaned into him.

"I love you, Hales. You're my best friend, I need to see you get better," He stated, rubbing her arm.

Nathan made a noise of agreement and put his hand on top of Haley's shoulder. "Baby, you're going to be okay."

It was those six words that caused her to completely break down. She lifted her head off Lucas and wrapped her arms around her face and pulled her knees to her chest. The two brothers looked at each other, not quite sure what had made her break down, but appreciative of it all the same. Crying meant emotion and emotion meant no more numbness.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry," She kept repeating, refusing to meet either of the Scott boys' eyes. She knew how much emotional trauma she had caused them and she wasn't sure she could forgive herself for almost leaving Nathan and Jamie alone like that.

Both boys began comforting her at the same time, and that only seemed to make her feel worse. After a few minutes, she wiped at her eyes and looked up at Nathan.

"I am so sorry. I love you so much, Nathan Scott, _so _much."

Nathan brushed away her tears with his thumb before placing a kiss to her forehead and giving her a stern look. "I don't blame you at all, so stop apologizing. This isn't your fault."

She calmed down a little at his words and nodded her head. She waited a moment before turning to look at Lucas. "And you. I made you leave Peyton and Sawyer and I'm so sorry for that."

Lucas shook his head. "Hales, you're my best friend. I would do anything for you. Peyton understands. In fact, I had to fight her to stay back with Sawyer; she wanted nothing more than to follow me here."

Haley looked down and nodded her head, not entirely convinced. Lucas sighed and grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at him.

"Don't think for a second that you're a burden to me. We've had each other's backs for as long as I can remember, and that's never going to change."

Nathan watched the exchange silently, wondering how they had all come to this. He had never imagined for a second that life would've been this hard after High School. Hell, it shouldn't have been that difficult in High School, but it was. It was as if they were all constantly being tested, seeing who would break first.

Lucas watched Haley for a few minutes before nodding his head and standing up. He ran his hands alongside his jeans and shoved one of his hands in his pocket; Haley quickly recognized this as a sign of him being either nervous or unsure. She gave him a questioning look and he looked away. Nathan stood up and led Lucas out of the room, recognizing the signs as well. He shut the door behind him and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms.

"Luke, man, what's the deal?" Nathan asked, beginning to get a little uneasy. He could tell Lucas was thinking hard about something and for as long as he'd known his brother that had never been a good sign.

"I think I might bring Peyton and Sawyer back home. I think we might move back to Tree Hill," He deducted, coming to a decision. Nathan's eyes widened slightly.

"You sure?"

Lucas nodded his head and rubbed his neck. "Leaving was a stupid idea. Peyton and I have been growing a bit home sick lately, and clearly Haley needs some support right now. I'm staying."

…

"Hi, baby. Someone's here to see you," Nathan stated, sending a small smile in her direction. It had been a full week since Haley's suicide attempt, though she refused to call it that. She didn't want to see it as it was and instead referred to it as her mistake. In that time, she still hadn't seen her son and Nathan knew she was missing him. After Lucas had left Tree Hill the day before, Haley had seemed to fall back into her depression. The walls seemed to be rebuilding themselves and Haley couldn't be bothered to care about opening up.

Lucas had asked Nathan to keep his and Peyton's return a secret, hoping that maybe a surprise would be best for Haley. Haley had been torn apart when she learned Luke was leaving and the two brothers had known at the time that his surprise return would definitely lift her spirits.

Haley looked up from the pillow and attempted to smile as she saw her son tentatively take a step towards her.

"Momma, are you okay? Daddy said you were sick," Jamie stated, his eyebrows scrunching up. "Chester was very worried about you, you know."

Haley sat up and pushed her hair out of her face. She opened up her arms and Jamie ran into them. "I missed you, baby."

Nathan stood in the doorway and watched, a smile playing at the corner of his lips. Haley looked at him over the top of Jamie's head and gestured him over. He looked down as he made his way to the bed and sat next to his family. He wrapped an arm around Haley and Jamie climbed up so he could sit in between them.

"I love you both, so much," Haley murmured, wiping away a few of her tears.

"Momma, don't cry. You're pretty when you smile," Jamie said matter-of-factly and grinned up at her to prove his point.

She laughed weakly before smiling for the first time in weeks. Maybe she could be okay.

…

A week later, Haley could feel the weight in her chest lightening. She woke up and could begin to appreciate her family much more than she had the past few weeks. She was able to cuddle into Nathan's side at night, Jamie usually wedging his way in between them. She could finally feel something again and that was definitely an improvement, even if she wasn't feeling much.

Nathan met her in the kitchen, a breakfast waiting for her. Jamie grinned at her through the cereal that was threatening to fall out of his mouth. She wrapped both the boys in an embrace before taking a seat. She had just put a piece of bacon in her mouth when Nathan began to speak.

He leaned his arms against the side of her chair and gave her a sheepish smile. "I know this is all moving kind of fast, but I was told by Brooke that if you don't get your ass out of this house, she's going to come and drag you. Which, therefore, means that I think she wants to see you."

Haley laughed and nodded her head, shoveling eggs down her throat like she hadn't been fed in years. She hadn't seen anyone outside of Nathan, Jamie and Lucas since she had jumped into the pool. _Lucas._ She grimaced as she thought of the last time he had seen her. She missed him even more now, if that was possible. She felt bad he had felt the need to come back because of her. He should've been out traveling the world and of course she would find some way to interrupt that for him.

Nathan noticed her expression and soothingly rubbed her arm. "Brooke mentioned that Jamie and I should come too, just in case you try to uh, bolt."

By this point, he was just pulling excuses out of his ass. He wasn't sure how to get Haley to Brooke's place, let alone how to convince her that he and Jamie needed to come along. Today was the day Lucas and his family had returned and a small surprise party was being held at Brooke's house. Nathan's job was to bring Haley there and he hadn't realized it would be difficult coming up with excuses.

"Okay," Haley agreed. His eyebrows furrowed as he realized how much his wife had changed. Where was his stubborn, 'I'll do what I want' wife? She didn't seem to be putting up a fight and he guessed it was because she didn't trust herself, either. She had slowly opened up again but the depression was still there, and she wasn't trying to pretend it wasn't. He could see through her and every single fake smile she provided him with had resulted in him questioning her. She knew better than to try and hide her emotions from him now.

A few short hours later, the Scott family was packed into their brand new Avalanche that Brooke had shoved into their faces as a gift for Haley a few days prior. They were only a few dozen feet away from Brooke's driveway and Nathan noticed right away that Brooke must've had everyone park in the back. This girl was made to throw parties, he thought. He pulled the car to a stop and helped Jamie out before meeting Haley on the opposite side. Brooke flung the door open and ran at Haley, a dimpled grin present on her face.

"Hales!" She flung her arms around Haley and squeezed her as tight as possible. "We are going to have a discussion later."

She gave Haley a stern look before pulling away and letting her grin show again. Haley smiled in return as Brooke grabbed her arm and led her into the house. Nathan and Jamie followed close behind, both very well aware of the party. The second they all had crossed the threshold and chorus of 'surprise' had sounded through the room. Haley held a hand up to her mouth as she quickly met the eyes of Lucas, who was lounging across on the room on Brooke's counter. Haley ran into his arms, showing much more emotion than she had the last time she'd seen him. He welcomed her embrace and dodged an oven mitt that Brooke suddenly whipped at him.

"Unless you want to lose that ass, I suggest you get off my counter," She warned, pointing a spatula at him. He laughed and pulled out of the hug before hopping off the counter and putting his hands up in surrender.

Brooke narrowed her eyes at him before turning around and yanking Nathan away from the crowd.

"How is she?" She questioned, pretty up to date on Haley's emotions. He had called her every day as per request and had explained how Hales was doing detail by detail.

Nathan shrugged. "She's the same as she was yesterday. I don't think she's fully accepted that she tried to kill herself, though. She doesn't want to believe that she'd do that to all of us."

Brooke nodded sympathetically. "Well, you're doing a great job taking care of her."

She shot a smile at him and gave him a quick hug. "You've grown up so much since High School, Nate. I'm so proud of you."

He smiled sadly. "She changed me for the better. The minute I met her, I started immediately growing up."

Brooke nodded her head in agreement before leaving him to socialize with everyone else. It only took a few seconds before Clay made his way towards Nathan and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Nathan didn't pay much attention as he was focused on Haley who seemed to be putting on a pretty good act. She was talking animatedly with Mouth, a grin that Nathan immediately knew wasn't real, plastered on her face.

His attention was broken when a mass of blonde curls came running up to him and wrapped him up in a tight hug that could only be known as a Peyton Sawyer hug. He grinned and pulled back.

"So, you're a mom now," He noted, nodding his head at Sawyer who was throwing her toys around, Jamie picking up after her.

"And you're a dad. We've come a long way, Nate," She agreed, sighing as she watched the two play together. "How's Haley doing?"

Nathan sighed. He had to remember that Peyton had only been told by Lucas what was going on and still wasn't sure about the whole situation. He was still getting sick of being asked that question, though.

"She's doing okay, I guess. She's pretending to be okay right now, but she's gotten better since last week," He informed her. Peyton looked over at Haley, noticing the fake smile right away.

"She's going to be okay, Nate. We're all here now," Peyton said, placing a hand on his shoulder. He nodded his head and she smiled before walking in Haley's direction. He watched as Peyton wrapped her arms around Haley from behind, and he smiled at the look Haley wore before she hugged her.

Throughout the party, Peyton was introduced to Quinn and Clay who she quickly clicked with and Lucas had been smacked a few times by Brooke and her damn spatula. All in all, it was a pretty great night, though he couldn't tell if Haley felt the same.

"Nathan Scott, you get your ass back in here and take some leftovers!" Brooke demanded the second Nathan's foot had hit the pavement outside. He sighed and went back inside, Haley and Jamie following as well. He knew why she had wanted him back inside as this was all part of the plan. Lucas and Peyton still hadn't spilled the beans to anyone besides Nathan and Brooke that they would be permanently residing in Tree Hill, and this was it. Jamie stood beside Nathan's leg, his fingers wrapped around a toy Sawyer had given him, clearly ready for bed. Haley stood around impatiently waiting for Brooke to bring them a container of leftovers, so they could just hurry up and get home.

Lucas stood up off the couch, Sawyer sound asleep in his arms and stood next to Peyton. They both met Haley's eyes, both grinning at Nathan before they said the seven words that would eventually play a large role in healing Haley's heart.

"We're permanently moving back to Tree Hill."

…

That night, Haley had woken up close to 3:00 in the morning, sweat covering her from head to toe. She made sure Nathan was asleep before she tiptoed out of the room, pulling a robe around her on her way out. She knew what she was about to do was wrong and she knew Nathan was going to hate her for it, but she couldn't help it. She felt like a teenager again, though she'd most certainly never felt the urge to do this at that age. She was an adult and she felt like this was all very childish, but she knew she wouldn't be okay until she did something. She moved towards the bathroom down the hall and battled with her shaving razor until the actual razor popped out. She lit a candle and shut the door before she took a seat on the stool that was set up around the giant mirror she occasionally used to put on makeup.

She cut into her skin, blood steadily flowing. She made a few cuts before the candle caught her attention. She watched the flame, feeling just as she had the night she burnt up her piano. Haley fought to clear her head and focus on the positive, but she couldn't. Any progress she had made was flushed down the toilet the second she picked up that razor.

Nathan rolled over on his side, his arm moving to wrap around Haley, but he was met with cold sheets. His eyes flew open and he jumped off the bed. He didn't bother to put a shirt on, scared to death that Haley was going to try to kill herself again. He left the room, immediately checking their backyard first. The pool was now empty, but that didn't necessarily mean Haley wouldn't try anything out here. He ran back inside when he realized she wasn't outside and nearly had a heart attack when he bumped into her in the hall. He put a hand to his heart, catching his breath.

"God dammit, Hales. You scared me."

Haley smiled sheepishly at him and he could've laughed at how fake it was. Was she seriously going to try and make him believe she was okay when she so clearly wasn't?

"Sorry, I went to get a cup of water," She murmured. "I didn't mean to scare you."

He had this gut feeling that she was lying and Nathan Scott had always been one to follow his gut. Even so, he just nodded her head and walked with back into their bedroom. Even after she had fallen back asleep, he had stayed awake, trying to figure out what exactly she was hiding. He knew she wasn't exactly up to the idea of opening up to anyone after she had spiraled downhill but she had never tried to lie to him and hide things from him. He sighed as he reached a conclusion. She was getting worse.

…

Haley awoke the next morning, her sleeves riding up to reveal the marks she had made the night before. She stayed on her side, inspecting the cuts before rolling her sleeves down and heading to the bathroom to take a shower. She looked over at Nathan who seemed to be sleeping peacefully, before leaving the room and closing the door on her way out. Nathan opened his eyes, never having gone to sleep in the first place. He squinted at the sunlight that seemed to be seeping in the window through the curtains, and he groaned. It was too early for this. He forced himself to get off the bed, and he yanked a blue Ravens hoodie on over his head before making his way to Jamie's room.

Jamie was still completely asleep but Nathan knew he needed to get him out of the house before Haley tried anything. He nudged Jamie with his hand and Jamie slowly opened his eyes.

"Morning, Jame," Nathan greeted, smiling. Jamie groaned and rolled over, earning a laugh out of Nathan. This kid was definitely his.

"Come on, buddy. I'm gonna call Uncle Lucas in a little and see if you want to spend the night over there for a few days," Nathan stated, speaking the words before he had time to even process them.

Jamie turned to face him and he looked at him in confusion. "Is Momma sick again?"

Nathan swallowed before nodding his head. "Yeah, she is. I don't think she knows it, though. So you're gonna stay with Uncle Lucas and Aunt Peyton for a few days until Mom gets better, okay?"

Jamie sleepily nodded his head and yawned, before standing up and stretching. Nathan smiled sadly at him before leaving the room and heading to his own to retrieve his phone. He made sure he could hear the shower still running before he quickly dialed his brother's number.

Lucas picked up on the fourth ring, his voice nearly incoherent as it was pressed against a pillow.

"Lucas, wake up. Something's up with Haley."

…

A half hour and a cup of coffee later, Nathan was sitting with Lucas at Karen's Café. Peyton had taken Sawyer over to visit Haley and Jamie and Nathan was grateful for her.

"So, what did you mean on the phone?" Lucas inquired, still a bit confused. Nathan had called him at 8:00 in the morning and after the night he had with Sawyer, he had been dead asleep, practically oblivious to the world. After Nathan's call, he had hurriedly taken a shower and explained everything to Peyton before grabbing his car keys and rushing to meet Nathan at the café. Peyton had volunteered to help out and she knew Haley shouldn't be home alone with Jamie at the time, so she had decided to make a surprise visit.

Nathan shrugged, taking a sip of his coffee. "I woke up in the middle of the night and she wasn't there. I rushed around looking for her and then I bumped into her in the hall. She says she was just getting a cup of water, but I know she's lying."

Lucas looked at him skeptically. "What if you're just being paranoid?"

Nathan rolled his eyes in anger. "Man, I know when she's lying. _You_ know when she's lying. If you would've been there, you would've seen just how wrong it all was."

Lucas backed down and held his hands up in surrender. "You're right, you're right. What do you think she's hiding?"

"I don't know. I know she's getting worse, though. She wasn't lying before, but now she-."

He was cut off by the sound of Lucas's obnoxiously loud ringtone. Lucas shot him an apologetic look before quickly flipping it open and answering the call.

"Peyton? Peyton, calm down. What's going on?"

Nathan could feel his heart rate speeding up and he tapped his fingers along the edges of the table, waiting for Luke to get off the phone. If Peyton had called, freaking out, then that meant something must've happened. She had been at his house, so he was willing to bet it had something to do with Haley.

"Yeah, we'll be there in two minutes. I love you, see you then," Lucas took a deep breath before closing his phone and hanging up. He yanked his car keys out of his jacket and stood up, Nathan following suit.

"What happened, man?" Nathan questioned, his anxiety getting to the best of him.

"Peyton doesn't even know what happened. One second Haley was sitting with us perfectly fine and the next she just collapsed," Lucas quickly explained before getting into his car and driving off. Nathan yanked the door to his Avalanche open and he sped home, meeting Lucas at the door. The two ran through the house into the living room, Nathan nearly having a heart attack the entire time. Peyton grabbed Haley's limp body and picked her up, Nathan quickly grabbing her other side.

"You called 911?" Nathan asked, his body going into overdrive. Peyton nodded her head, allowing Lucas to take Haley's other side from her grasp.

"Where's Jamie?" Nathan questioned, suddenly realizing his son was nowhere to be seen.

"I sent him upstairs and he took Sawyer with him," Peyton replied, holding her hand to her mouth. Haley really looked as if she was on death's doorstep and that thought frightened the hell out of all three of the adults.

Haley's eyes suddenly began to open and she fell to the floor coughing. Nathan knelt beside her and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Fuck, Haley," He murmured, resting his forehead against her temple.

It took mere seconds for the ambulance to show up and rush inside, both men kneeling beside Haley. Nathan fell back onto his butt and could only stare as his beautiful, broken wife was being inspected. He didn't process the questions they were asking her and it was close to ten minutes before they both left.

"Why aren't you going with them?" Lucas asked incredulously. "Haley, you were about to _die!_"

Haley rolled her eyes. "I'm fine, Luke. I'm not going anywhere."

Nathan watched as his brother got angrier and angrier until suddenly Peyton cut in.

"Haley, you weren't breathing. You were going to die," She confirmed.

Haley sneered. "Of course, you're taking Lucas's side! That's how it is, right? I'm _fine._ I'm clearly breathing now!"

She stood up and left the living room, heading into their bedroom. She slammed the door behind her and everyone sat stunned. What the hell had just happened?

Lucas looked over at Nathan who looked just as broken as his wife did. Peyton closed her eyes and came up with a quick decision. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and quickly dialed Brooke's number. Brooke answered on the first ring, and Peyton could hear Julian's voice in the background. She quickly explained to Brooke that she was dropping off Jamie and Sawyer and Brooke agreed, no questions asked. As she hung up the call, she could see both guys watching her warily.

"I'm gonna go take Jamie and Sawyer over to Brooke's house and she's going to watch them for a few nights. We're not going to leave you here with her alone, Nate. You're going to need as much help as you can get," She said before rushing up the stairs to grab the kids.

Lucas sat back on the floor with Nathan and crossed his legs underneath his body. He fought to get comfortable, as he knew they were about to be in for a long night.

…

A few hours had passed before Nathan stood up and walked into the bedroom, determined to talk to Haley whether she wanted him to or not. The sight he was met with made his shatter. Haley was lying on the bed, her legs curled up into her body, sobs reverberating through the room. He shut the door behind him, hoping Peyton and Lucas would take the hint to stay out for a while. He moved towards the bed but Haley didn't even bother to look up, for she already knew it was him.

"Nathan," She murmured through the tears. He sat beside her on the bed and waited for her to talk, to say anything. She stared at him with her mouth open for a few seconds, trying to think of something to say before she eventually gave up and looked down.

"I almost lost you for the second time in two weeks, Hales," Nathan admitted, his voice broken. Haley knew she was hurting him, but she had no idea how to make it stop. She needed him so much; she just didn't know how to ask for his help. She wasn't selfish enough to ask for it.

"How many times do we have to go through this before you realize that I can't live without you? I need you to be okay," He said, wiping at his eyes. He put his head in his hands, unable to say anything else.

Haley nervously chewed on her lip before sighing and placing her head back on the pillow, refusing to listen to Nathan's sniffling because she knew it would break her. He soundlessly left the room, shutting the door behind him.

It was a good twenty minutes before she heard the door opening and closing again, this time Lucas being her visitor. He sat next to her on the bed and sighed.

"You're killing him, Hales. There's a part of you deep down that cares. I just wish we could find that part."

Haley didn't bother responding, knowing that everything he said was true. Lucas looked down before continuing.

"You need to talk to Nathan. You love him; you just can't remember what that love feels like. You love him so much and I know there's a part of you that is breaking apart because you know how much you're hurting him right now. He needs you just as you need him. You have to let him in before it's too late."

Haley waited until Lucas quietly left the room before she began to cry again. She held a hand up to her mouth, trying to quiet the sounds, but it was no use. She sat up and pulled her hair into a ponytail before she quickly went through her dresser drawer. She searched under the pile of clothes before she came across what she looking for. A razor.

...

Haley awoke around 11pm and rubbed a hand across her face as she sat up. She winced as she accidentally touched one of her newest cuts. There was dried blood covering most of her arm and she hurriedly tried to rub it all off. She quickly gave up, however, and settled for just pulling down her sleeve. Everything Lucas had said earlier was true. She _did_ need Nathan and knowing that she was breaking his heart was destroying her. She just had no idea how to ask for his help and admit her newest addiction to him without hurting him further than she already had. She also knew if she waited much longer, though, she was going to lose him.

She was engaged in an inner battle when she caught sight of the picture that sat on top of her dresser. Nathan and Jamie. They had been playing basketball and Haley had snapped a picture, much to their chagrin. Jamie _hated_ pictures with a passion and had flipped out, but she had always loved the picture. She loved how natural it was. She held the picture in her hands and smiled sadly. If she couldn't pull herself together and talk to Nathan, she wouldn't be a part of this family anymore and just thinking about being away from both of these boys made her heart drop.

She took a deep breath before she finally came to a decision. She was going to talk to him. She had to.

Using all of her willpower, she forced herself to leave the bedroom in search of Nathan. Fortunately, she didn't have to look far, for he was lounging on the couch, his eyes closed. She knew he wasn't asleep, though. He wouldn't be able to sleep with what had happened earlier still on his mind.

It was like he knew she was watching him because his eyes suddenly shot open. He didn't bother standing up, unsure if Haley was going to make an effort with him or not. Haley sighed before gesturing him to follow her back into their bedroom and that's exactly what she did. She made sure to shut and lock the door, hoping to God that she would go through with this. She didn't want to chicken out, but she was so damn scared.

Nathan sat a few inches away from her, his knee brushing against hers. She took a deep breath before she looked up and met his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Nathan."

"It's not your fault," He croaked out, suddenly looking away. Haley ignored his protest before continuing.

"I'm going to let you in," She said. He looked at her with complete openness and it was that look that made her realize everything was going to okay.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with me and I'm so sorry I'm hurting you so much."

He opened up his mouth to protest but she held up a hand. "It's breaking you, Nathan. _I'm_ breaking you."

She was about to continue, but it was too late because he had already seen the marks. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her sleeve up, his eyes widening at the mess she had made on herself.

"Hales…," He murmured, suddenly aware of how bad things had become. She only nodded her head and looked away.

"When did you do this?" He asked, taking his eyes off the cuts to meet her eyes. He cupped her face in his hands and repeated the question.

"I never got that cup of water, Nathan…" She trailed off, and his eyes widened in realization. He continued to inspect her arm, his body becoming stiff as he noticed just how fresh some of the cuts looked.

"Hales," He swallowed, "Did you cut today?"

She could hear just how much it pained him to have to ask the question, and she began to cry. She was horrible, she was a failure, she-

Nathan cut off her thoughts with a quick kiss. He pulled back and rubbed his fingers alongside her cheek. "I love you, baby, no matter what. You can talk to me."

She sniffled and rubbed at her eyes before nodding her head at his previous question. He sucked in a breath and she was suddenly in his arms, his chin resting on the top of her head.

"Hales, you have to stop cutting," He said as he grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around them both. "I don't want you hurting yourself like this."

She closed her eyes and cuddled into his chest. "I need to do something. I have to feel something because if I don't then I'm back to the numbness."

He sighed and pulled back. He looked at her for a few seconds before crashing his lips against hers. She looked taken aback before she moved her hand to wrap it around his face and kissed him back. She grinned as his tongue slid into her mouth and just as soon as it had started, it ended. Nathan pulled back with a mischievous look in his eyes.

"What's that look for?" Haley asked, giggling.

Nathan's features softened upon hearing her giggle again for the first time in what felt like forever. "Hales, does kissing me make you feel anything?"

Haley's eyes widened as she caught on to what he was suggesting and grinned. "What are you suggesting Mr. Scott?"

He laughed aloud at her playfulness. He hadn't realized how much he missed this version of her until this moment.

"Oh, you know very well what I'm suggesting Mrs. Scott," He whispered against her neck, smirking. The second she pulled his lips against hers, he knew things were definitely going to get heated.

…

"Oh, God," Peyton moaned, closing her eyes. She and Lucas were sharing a room upstairs that, unfortunately, just so happened to be above Haley and Nathan's room. She covered her face with the pillow hoping she could drown out the noises that were being carried up through the vent.

"I guess Haley opened up to him then," Lucas concluded, happy for them despite the fact that he was getting to hear it all.

"Quite literally," Peyton added, her voice muffled by the pillow. Lucas let out a laugh at that and pulled the pillow off her face, using it for himself.

Peyton gave him a look before the two began to battle for the pillow, both doing anything and everything to drown out Haley's screams.

…

Haley woke up the next morning, feeling lighter than she had in a long time. Maybe it had to do with the fact that Nathan had given her some of the most intense orgasms of her life or maybe it had to do with the fact that she had finally opened up to him a little. She turned on her side to look at Nathan, feeling unbelievably grateful for the man sleeping beside her. She smiled at him and pressed feather light kisses on his eyelids, hoping he'd wake up soon. She was feeling an intense desire to just be with him. It didn't have to be sexual; no, she just wanted to hang out with him. She desperately wanted for everything to go back to normal and maybe this could be the start of that. He slowly opened his eyes and grinned at the sight before him. He hadn't seen his wife naked in the longest time, and he definitely hadn't seen her look happy in weeks. Here she was, though, happy and naked.

She pressed her lips against his before smiling coyly at him and grabbing her bathrobe, gesturing for him to follow her. He smirked as he pulled on a pair of boxers and followed her into the bathroom, really liking the way this was headed.

Peyton woke up to the sound of something pounding against a wall and even in her sleepy state of mind, she immediately knew what was happening.

"Oh, my _GOD_," She screeched, hiding her face under the pillow once again. Lucas woke up startled by her screech before he heard it too.

"Time to go?" He asked, pulling the pillow away.

Peyton smirked at him. "We could try a different tactic."

…

Later that night as both Scott brothers and their wives gathered around the fireplace, all four could be seen with satisfied smiles on their lips.

"So, Nate," Peyton started, "Have a good day with Haley?"

Nathan smirked at her. "Have a good day with Lucas?"

"Play nice," Lucas said, laughing as he wrapped his arms around Peyton from behind.

"I don't know, Lucas. You sure as hell didn't sound like you were playing nice earlier," Nathan commented, laughing at the horrified look on Haley's face.

"Yeah, neither did you," Peyton snorted giving them both a pointed look. Haley covered her face to hide the shade of red. "Baby girl, we heard your screams all night long."

If Haley was red before, she was a tomato now. Nathan simply laughed and held her tighter in his arms. Everybody grew silent as they all got caught up in the flames, both couples holding each other close. Haley played with the hem of Nathan's shirt her eyes darkening. He immediately recognized the look and laughed. Oh, Haley was going to be just fine.


End file.
